Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself

After a relaxing bath, Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself, nude in a mirror.  Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight was depressing her.  In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help.

God, if you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you, she prayed.

And just like that her ears fell off.

You could have heard a pin drop

When in England at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked
  by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an
  example of empire building' by George Bush.
      He answered by saying, 'Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.
 ,,,,,,,, You could have heard a pin drop. 
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
   Then there wa s a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a  break one of the French engineers came back into t he room saying  'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an  aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does  he intended to do, bomb them?' A Boeing engineer stood up and replied  quietly: 'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat  several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply  emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they h ave three  cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day,  they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea  water each day, an d they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in  transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck.. We  have eleven such ships; how many does France have?' 
  .............You could have heard a pin drop. 
   ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  A U. S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference t hat included  Admirals from the U. S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French  Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a  large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those  countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their  drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, 'whereas  Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.' He  then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these  conferences rather than speaking French?' Without hesitating, the  American Admiral replied 'Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians,  Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak  German.'
  .......... You could have heard a pin drop. 
  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
  
  AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE...
 A group of Americans, retired teachers, recently went to France on a  tour. Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by  plane. At French C ustoms, he took a few minutes to locate his
passport in his carry on. 'You have been to France before, monsieur?'  the customs officer asked sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted t hat he  had been to France previously. 'Then you should know enough to have  your passport ready.' The American said, 'The last time I was here, I  didn't have to show it.' 'Impossible. Americans always have to show  your passports on arrival in France !' The American senior gave the  Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained. 'Well, when I  came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44 to help liberate this  country, I couldn't find any damn Frenchmen to show it to.'
 .............. You could have heard a pin drop

 

THE EMPIRE STRIKES BARACK

Number Of Acceptable Things Candidates Can Say Now Down To Four

from the onion...

NEW YORK—After Sen. Barack Obama's comments last week about what he typically eats for dinner were criticized by Sen. Hillary Clinton as being offensive to both herself and the American voters, the number of acceptable phrases presidential candidates can now say are officially down to four. "At the beginning of 2007 there were 38 things candidates could mention in public that wouldn't be considered damaging to their campaigns, but now they are mostly limited to 'Thank you all for coming,' and 'God bless America,'" ABC News chief Washington correspondent George Stephanopoulos said on Sunday's episode of This Week. "There would still be five phrases available to the candidates if the Obama camp hadn't accused Clinton of saying 'Glad to be here' with a little tinge of sarcasm during a stump speech in North Carolina." As of press time, the two additional phrases still considered appropriate for candidates are the often-quoted "These pancakes are great," and "Death to the infidels."

The fate of the free world depends on your choice

The President's Puzzle

Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.

"What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired.

"Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time!" The President beamed.

"How long did it take you?"

"Well, the box said '3 to 5 Years' but I did it in a month!"

By definition

Politibabble:

Psychobabble spouted by the press from both extremes in an effort to make an election contest more volatile or interesting than it really is...(eg:Clinton lashes out at the press...Romney explodes)

 

---

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Add this to your dictionary!!

Electile Dysfunction : the inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party in the 2008 election year

 

 

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Bush legacy in coins

New Cereal Box for 2008

Here they go

the pundirazzi have shown they are going to rival the paps in their level of pulcritude and ineptitude

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know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

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American Politics

The pundits certainly are living up to their reputations for ineptitude this election cycle by rushing around waving charts, flying logos and chirons proclaiming their conclusions only to be shown for what dolts their really are...

If this is any indication of what the rest of the year is going to be like, we would be best served by not letting them anywhere near the polls during the contests...

The hipocrit conservatives and the flacid liberals are falling all over themselves trying to distinguish themselves only to end up humiliated...

The radical right so desperatly wants Obama to be the choice of the Democrats because they believe it would be easier lynch the black man than to try and rape the "crying bitch"...in public... espescially that shit for brains Bill Crystal.

---

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regarding civil liberties

Dear Mr. Zone:



Thank you for your letter regarding civil liberties
and my commitment to upholding the Constitution.  I
appreciate you taking the time to write and I welcome
the opportunity to respond.

          

I agree with you that we need to protect the
constitutional rights of Americans. I have been a
strong advocate of civil liberties. At the same time,
and in light of the September 11 tragedy, I believe we
need to give our law enforcement and intelligence
agencies the tools they need to prevent and respond to
future terrorist attacks. I continue to work hard to
maintain this delicate balance.



You may be interested to know that, on October 18, the
Senate Intelligence Committee, of which I am a member,
favorably reported a bill that substantially
strengthens the role of the FISA Court in approving
the procedures governing electronic surveillance. This
legislation also would require, for the first time
ever, that there be court review any time a U.S.
citizen is targeted for surveillance anywhere in the
world. I believe these two measures significantly
strengthen the privacy protections in the Foreign
Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA). I also believe
that additional protections are warranted, as I noted
in my additional views to that Committee's report- a
copy of which I have attached.  I am pleased to note
that one of these suggestions - that stronger language
stating that FISA should be the exclusive means of
conducting electronic surveillance - was later added
to the FISA bill when it was considered by the Senate
Judiciary Committee, on which I also serve.  I will
continue to work to preserve these protections when
the FISA bill is considered on the Senate floor.



Like you, I support closing the detention facilities
at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. To achieve this goal, I have
introduced S. 1249, which would require the President
to close the Department of Defense detention facility
at Guantanamo Bay within a year. Additionally, I am a
cosponsor of S. 185, which would support habeas corpus
by repealing provisions of the Military Commissions
Act of 2006 that eliminated the jurisdiction of any
court to hear or consider applications for writ of
habeas corpus filed by individuals determined by the
U.S. to be enemy combatants.



Additionally, I have sponsored a measure in the
Intelligence Authorization Conference Report that
would apply the Army Field Manual's established
interrogation standards to all interrogations
conducted by the U.S. Intelligence Community and eight
specific techniques, including waterboarding, would be
prohibited.  This is an important piece of legislation
that would end the national debate over torture and
the President should sign this bill into law
immediately.



Again, thank you for writing. Please know that I will
keep your thoughts in mind when issues regarding civil
liberties come before me in the United States
Congress. I hope you will continue to write on matters
of importance to you. Best regards.





ADDITIONAL VIEWS OF SENATORS FEINSTEIN, SNOWE, AND
HAGEL



Chairman Rockefeller and Vice Chairman Bond are to be
commended for producing a bipartisan bill that the
Director of National Intelligence and Department of
Justice support. They and their staff have worked
together to produce this bill. It is a signal
accomplishment, and we commend them.



We believe this legislation is a strong bipartisan
bill that will next be reviewed by the Senate
Judiciary Committee. We hope that the bill can be
further improved, particularly with respect to the
issue of FISA's exclusivity, as discussed below.



IMPROVEMENTS IN THIS LEGISLATION



The Committee's bill makes necessary improvements to
current law, the Protect America Act that was enacted
in August.



Notably, for the first time ever, this legislation
would require court review any time the Intelligence
Community targets a U.S. citizen for surveillance,
regardless of location. Under present law and
regulation, the Attorney General can approve
surveillance of Americans outside of the country with
no judicial review.



This legislation puts the central question before the
FISA Court: whether there is probable cause to believe
that a U.S. person is an agent of a foreign power.
This is a determination that FISA Court judges have
made in thousands of instances since 1978, and one to
which it is well suited.



In addition, this bill:



?Greatly increases the role of the FISA Court in
conducting up-front review and approvals of the
targeting and minimization of communications;

?Corrects the concern arising from the Protect
America Act that surveillance information could be
used in an overly broad manner. Instead, this bill
uses FISA's existing limitations on use:

oDisseminated information must be minimized;

oInformation can only be shared only for appropriate
intelligence and law enforcement purposes; and

oInadvertently collected intelligence must be
destroyed;

? "Streamlines" the FISA application and order
process in order to reduce the pending application
backlog and the significant amount of time it takes to
write and review and application. Specifically, the
bill:

oAllows the government to present a summary, rather
than a full description, of how the surveillance will
be effected and what intelligence is sought; and

oExtends the existing FISA "emergency period" from
three to seven days during which surveillance may be
conducted under the Attorney General's direction prior
to a Court order being obtained;



?Provides for strong internal and external oversight
by:

oRequiring the Intelligence Community to conduct an
annual review of whether new surveillance authorities
are being properly applied;

oRequiring the Attorney General to provide detailed
semi-annual reports to the Senate and House
Intelligence and Judiciary committees concerning
collections authorized in the bill -- including
instances of non-compliance; and

oAuthorizing the Inspectors General of the Department
of Justice and elements of the Intelligence Community
to conduct independent reviews of agency compliance
with the court-approved acquisition and minimization
procedures.



?Clearly prohibits warrantless surveillance against
persons inside the United States.



Legislation amending the Foreign Intelligence
Surveillance Act of 1978, and the Protect America Act
that was passed in August of this year, will only
succeed if it is bipartisan. In this area, it is our
belief that any partisan bill will not pass.



That outcome is likely to result in one of two
unacceptable options:



?A rushed process to extend the Protect America Act,
which contains fewer statutory protections of privacy
rights than the Committee's bill, or



?A lapse in legislation, which will prevent the
Intelligence Community from conducting much-needed
surveillance on non-United States citizens outside of
the country.



Clearly, passing meaningful reforms should be a top
priority of the U.S. Congress.



EXCLUSIVITY OF FISA



The legislation includes language on the exclusivity
of FISA that requires further examination. Section 102
of the Intelligence Committee bill states that the
Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act and relevant
portions of Title 18 of the U.S. Code are the
"exclusive means" by which "electronic surveillance"
may be conducted.



The definition of the term "electronic surveillance,"
however, was written in 1978 and has been the subject
of exemptions and limitations since then.



It is essential that the Committee determine whether
there are any intelligence techniques that fall within
this legislation's scope for which the Executive
Branch may not follow the bill's procedures. This is a
necessarily classified topic, but we intend to conduct
careful review of these techniques before this
legislation is enacted.



It is our view that the Foreign Intelligence
Surveillance Act, as amended, should be the only legal
way of acquiring the communications of people inside
the United States, and U.S. persons outside the United
States in certain circumstances, for foreign
intelligence purposes.



There is a history to this provision that makes a
strong congressional re-affirmation even more
important.



The legislative history from when FISA was originally
enacted in 1978 is quite clear. It states:



[d]espite any inherent power of the President to
authorize warrantless electronic surveillance in the
absence of legislation, by this bill and chapter 119
of title 18, Congress will have legislated with regard
to electronic surveillance in the United States, that
legislation with its procedures and safeguards
prohibit the President, notwithstanding any inherent
powers, from violating the terms of that legislation.
(emphasis added)



The legislative history continued by describing the
Supreme Court's decision in the Keith case, in which
the Court ruled that at that time, Congress hadn't
ruled in this field and "simply left the presidential
powers where it found them." But at this point, the
legislative history turns. It said:



The Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, however,
does not simply leave Presidential powers where it
finds them. To the contrary, this bill would
substitute a clear legislative authorization pursuant
to statutory, not constitutional, standards. (emphasis
added)



This was the statement accompanying H.R. 7138 as it
passed the 95th Congress. It is clear that Congress
enacted the 1978 legislation with the specific intent
that it would be the only authority under which
foreign intelligence could be obtained from electronic
surveillance.



It is also clear that President Carter was aware of
this intent when he signed the bill into law.
President Carter's signing statement noted that:



The bill requires, for the first time, a prior
judicial warrant for all electronic surveillance for
foreign intelligence or counterintelligence purposes
in the United States in which communications of U.S.
persons might be intercepted. It clarifies the
Executive's authority to gather foreign intelligence
by electronic surveillance in the United States. It
will remove any doubt about the legality of those
surveillances which are conducted to protect our
country against espionage and international
terrorism.. (emphasis in original)



This intent, and FISA practice for more than 20 years,
was cast in doubt after September 11, 2001. At that
time, the Executive Branch concluded that it was not
bound by FISA's procedures, and proceeded with the
Terrorist Surveillance Program (TSP) without
requesting amendments to FISA.



As explained in the Department of Justice's 2006 White
Paper on the legality of the TSP, the Administration
cited the Authorization for the Use of Military Force
(AUMF) against al Qaeda and its supporters as an
alternative authority. The Department pointed to
language in FISA that it was exclusive except as
authorized by other statute.



Congress intended for the "other statute" to be the
laws governing criminal wiretaps, not a broad and
undefined exception.

We do not believe that the AUMF provided this
authorization. We have seen no evidence that Congress
intended the AUMF to authorize a widespread effort to
collect the content of Americans' phone and email
communications, nor does the AUMF refer to the
subject.



Furthermore, FISA already contained a provision that
clearly governed surveillance actions in a wartime
situation - a 15-day authorization for warrantless
surveillance following a declaration of war. So this
was not an uncontemplated question following September
11 and the passage of the AUMF.



More troubling, however, is the Administration's claim
that the Constitution would not allow FISA to limit
the President's ability to conduct surveillance and
other activities covered by that legislation in any
way he sees fit. The Department of Justice argues that
Congress has not, and cannot, so limit the Executive's
power.



For these reasons, we continue to believe that
Congress must write strong language to ensure that
FISA is the exclusive means that the Intelligence
Community may intercept, analyze, and disseminate the
phone and electronic communications of any American
for intelligence purposes.



We will work to strengthen the exclusivity language as
the bill progresses.



Achieving the balance between necessary intelligence
collection and the protection of Americans' privacy
rights are perhaps nowhere as difficult as in the
areas surrounding FISA. It is not a field in which
partisan politics should play a part. Nor is it one
where the Congress and the President should be in
conflict.



We thank again Chairman Rockefeller and Vice Chairman
Bond for their work on this legislation. It is a big
step forward.



DIANNE FEINSTEIN

OLYMPIA J. SNOWE

CHUCK HAGEL




Sincerely yours,

Dianne Feinstein
        United States Senator

 

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Happy New Year...

Well...We made it through another year mostly unscathed. Mostly none the worse for wear.

We have a new year ahead of us and only the most contentous election to come along since the Supremes anointed George the fecond to office in 2000. Let me see...do I want the coked out neophite, the embattled power whore or any one of the republican hacks that represent the worst cadre of worthless propagandists to pop up in the political whack-a-polemic contest since the dawn of man...


I suppose I will vote for Hillary just so I can see the likes of Bill O'rally and Shame O'hammy's head explode at the prospet of another Clinton in the Whitehouse...After the longest 8 years I have ever endured she couldn't possibly screw up any more than thay have...

2007 was pretty good for my portfolio and I can only hope that that continues this year...If we stop dumping all our precious lives and riches in pointless wars and foreign aid to our enemies maybe I can actually believe that I might have the money I need when I retire...hopefully I won't get sick or injured before the Republicrats leave office and someone implements some real healthcare reform...

FIREARMS REFRESHER COURSE

"Those who hammer their guns into plows,  will plow for those who do not."    ~ Thomas Jefferson

 

 1. An armed man is a citizen. An unarmed man is a subject.

 2. A gun in the hand is better than a cop on the phone.

 3. Colt: The original point and click interface.

 4. Gun control is not about guns; it's about control.

 5. If guns are outlawed, can we use swords?

 6. If guns cause crime, then pencils cause misspelled words.

 7. Free men do not ask permission to bear arms.

 8. If you don't know your rights, you don't have any.

 9. Those who trade liberty for security have neither.

 10. The United States Constitution (c)1791. All Rights Reserved.

 11. What part of "shall not be infringed" do you not understand?

 12. The Second Amendment is in place in case the politicians ignore the others.

 13. 64,999,987 firearms owners killed no one yesterday.

 14. Guns only have two enemies; rust and politicians.

 15. Know guns, know peace, know safety. No guns, no peace, no safety.

 16. You don't shoot to kill; you shoot to stay alive.

 17. 911: Government sponsored Dial-a-Prayer.

 18. Assault is a behavior, not a device.

 19. Criminals love gun control; it makes their jobs safer.

 20. If guns cause crime, then matches cause arson.

 21. Only a government that is afraid of its citizens tries to control them.

 22. You have only the rights you are willing to fight for.

 23. Enforce the gun control laws we ALREADY have; don't make more.

 24. When you remove the people's right to bear arms, you create slaves.

 25. The American Revolution would never have happened with gun control.

 "Calling an illegal alien an "undocumented immigrant" is like calling a drug dealer an "unlicensed pharmacist " 

 " IF YOU DON'T STAND BEHIND OUR TROOPS, PLEASE, FEEL FREE TO STAND IN FRONT OF THEM !!!

 

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We only need Oby-wan Kanobe and Yoda to complete the Story

So far, no sign he's related to Hillary

September 9, 2007

BY SCOTT FORNEK Political Editor

It sure would be an awkward family reunion. But, believe it or not, Barack Obama is

related to both President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney.

OK, distantly related: Obama and Bush are 11th cousins.

That's because they share the same great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-

great-great grandparents -- Samuel Hinckley and Sarah Soole Hinckley of 17th century Massachusetts.

» Click to enlarge image

Barack Obama is distantly related to former President George H.W. Bush and

President George W. Bush.
(AP file)

» Click to enlarge image

Barack Obama is distantly related to Vice President Dick Cheney.
(AP file)

That means Obama and former President George Herbert Walker Bush are 10th

cousins once removed.

Obama is related to Cheney through Mareen Duvall, a 17th century immigrant from

France.

Mareen and Susannah Duvall were Obama's great-great-great-great-great-great-

great-great-great grandparents and Cheney's great-great-great-great-great-great-

great-great grandparents.

That makes Obama and Cheney ninth cousins once removed.

Cheney and Bush are related to one another by a completely different common

ancestor.

We leave it to you to figure out their relationship.

Why we can't find Bin Laden

Click on the image to reveal the truth...

Country Music Stars Challenge Al-Qaeda With Patriotic New Song

Country Music Stars Challenge Al-Qaeda With Patriotic New Song??Bomb New York??

Hey Ted...take a chill pill...

little wonder liberals are so pro gun control when the likes of Ted Nugent prances around the stage waving his gun in the air screaming how he wants to shove the barrel down Obamas throat and up Hillary's ass...I think the hard life of rock and roll has finally taken it's toll on the poor man...I would think that the NRA would take a dim view of this kind of behavior in light of the recent revelations about the Virgina Tech nut case and how that blood bath could have been avoided...just as Ann Coulter is the Paris Hilton and Sean Hannity is the Rosie Odonnel of the rabid right Ted Nugen solemnly accepts the mantle of the Barbara Strisand or maybe the Woopie Goldberg of the conservative nut cases that represent the best the right has to offer...

Hard to believe...

I find it extremely disheartening that, in the this day and age, the 21st century is turning out to be such a disappointment...growing up in the 50's and 60's they had all these visions of what life would be like...flying cars, colonies in outer space, and the U.S. leading the way toward world peace...yet here we are still burning coal to supply our energy needs...maybe the Gieco cavemen aren't that farfetched an idea...the American people sealed their fate when they annointed George Wanker Bush as their choice over the likes of Al Gore...we may never recover...

Time Releases Annual List Of Least Influential Americans

Time Releases Annual List Of Least Influential Americans

Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys

Study: Multiple Stab Wounds May Be Harmful To Monkeys

Bush: Maybe U.S. Military 'Just Not Very Good'

frm the Onion:

WASHINGTON, DC—Departing from his usual hopeful rhetoric during a question-and-answer session with reporters in the White House Rose Garden, President Bush suggested Tuesday that the war in Iraq has not been successful because the nation's armed forces are "just not very good."

Enlarge Image

Bush muses candidly about his new idea with the White House press corps.

"When the decision was made to liberate Iraq, I was going on what my advisers were telling me and what everyone has said for nearly a century—that the U.S. military is the best in the world," Bush said. "But if that were the case, and we did have the most powerful army, navy, marines, and air force on the globe, we would be winning, right?"

The president admitted that he'd been toying with the idea that a thorough lack of quality in personnel, from the top U.S. commander to the lowest-ranked private, is the only way to account for the colossal failure in Iraq, given that everything on the administrative side of the war has been carried out with the utmost care and precision.

"I know the folks on our end didn't drop the ball," Bush said. "The civilian oversight of this war and the plan of attack has been brilliant. There's no doubt about that in my mind. Hate to say it, but maybe our men and women in uniform just aren't what they're cracked up to be."

Bush conjectured that U.S. servicemen and women thrust into the horrifying chaos and violence of Iraq's Sunni Triangle may simply lack the proper perspective and cool detachment needed to implement an effective strategy against the insurgency. The commander in chief also wondered aloud why, for all their vaunted competence, American forces become disillusioned while fighting "for such a just and noble cause."

Enlarge Image

Bush lamented the fact that the U.S. is "losing a lot of vehicles and equipment" in the ongoing conflict.

"I know I should support the troops, especially in a time of war, but if they can't handle the pressure, maybe they don't deserve my support," Bush said. "They're making me look bad."

"On the occasions I've met our troops, most of them didn't seem like they had much going for them," Bush added. "I don't think very many went to college or anything."

Bush said that in the past year he has had much occasion to think about the U.S. military's role in history, which, he recently was forced to conclude, is "overrated." He traced the roots of the misperception back to the nation's victory in World War II.

"We haven't really flat-out won a war since then, and you have to admit even that one was pretty close," the president said.

Continued Bush: "We pretty much have a 3-4 record in terms of important wars, and that's being generous, because I'm counting the Civil War as a victory. We got absolutely killed in Vietnam, which was another war where the leadership at home did a fine job, only to be let down by the troops. Not quite sure what happened in Korea. And I thought we won the first Gulf War, but apparently we didn't, because we're still there."

Shortly after the press conference, the White House announced that an advisory panel comprised of former officials from both Bush administrations and of private military contractors would be formed to devise effective solutions to problem areas in the nation's defense, namely the quality of the soldiers. Some of the likely recommendations include toughening recruitment standards so that not just anyone can enlist, and offering swift advancement opportunities for troops who show less dependence on the support current forces seem to constantly require from the American people. The panel is also expected to recommend that the nation enter into additional costly overseas conflicts as a way for the U.S. military to hone its uneven combat skills.

Yet even the most optimistic administration estimates acknowledge that these transformations are years, if not decades away from being implemented. Meanwhile, Bush still appears determined to maintain the American military presence in Iraq, telling reporters that the only way to improve the armed forces isn't to quit, but to "keep plugging away and hope they'll get better at this war business before they all get killed."

Kim Jong-Il's Approval Rating Plummets to 120%

In The Know: Kim Jong-Il's Approval Rating Plummets to 120%

Lieberman Advocates Attack On Iran

from the Onion...

Sen. Joe Lieberman told Face The Nation the U.S. should bomb Iran because they continue to aid anti-American forces in Iraq. What do you think?

Larry Higgins,
Masseur
"Wow, my uneducated 12-year-old son said the same thing!"

Wendy Scanlon,
Furniture Salesperson
"Lieberman should stop going on that show. Bob Schieffer must antagonize the hell out of him during commercial breaks, and that leads to dumbshit comments like this."

Charles Garvey,
Pharmacist
"If I didn't know that was solid foreign policy, I'd swear it was incoherent mumbling!"

Honoring the Valiant and courageous

Blinded by the frog of war...

As the time fast approaches for the national elections, more and more staunch republicans will start to line up to kiss the frog of war, hoping that it will turn into the prince of pease before they have to answer to the populace of the United States for the Bush blunder they have all been rallying around, like the little polititians did right before Hussein had them hauled off and shot...we will see if the voters of this fair country are really as stupid as the seem. After they fell for the Bush crap not once but twice...

The first thing that needs to be done in advance of the big even should be the abolition of the concept of the Electoral College...Even humble little Ameriraq counted every little purple finger, not just those of a little group of dimwits...

The next order of business after the election should be the investigations and prosecution of the agents of disaster that colluded to waste our precious resources for their financial gain. Bush and his cohorts should be afforded the same courtesy we extended to Saddam for his moral High Crimes and Misdemeanors...

little known facts about Roswell NM

Many will recall that, on July 8, 1947, witnesses claimed an
unidentified object, with five aliens aboard, crashed onto a sheep and
cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.

This is a well-known incident many say has long been covered up by the
United States Air Force and the federal government.

However, what you may NOT know, is that in the month of March 1948,
exactly nine months later, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld,
Bill O'Reilly , Rush Limbaugh, Condoleezza Rice, and Dan Quayle were all
born.

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep?

This information may clear up a lot of questions.

Study: 38 Percent Of People Not Actually Entitled To Their Opinion

from the onion...

CHICAGO—In a surprising refutation of the conventional wisdom on opinion entitlement, a study conducted by the University of Chicago's School for Behavioral Science concluded that more than one-third of the U.S. population is neither entitled nor qualified to have opinions.

"On topics from evolution to the environment to gay marriage to immigration reform, we found that many of the opinions expressed were so off-base and ill-informed that they actually hurt society by being voiced," said chief researcher Professor Mark Fultz, who based the findings on hundreds of telephone, office, and dinner-party conversations compiled over a three-year period. "While people have long asserted that it takes all kinds, our research shows that American society currently has a drastic oversupply of the kinds who don't have any good or worthwhile thoughts whatsoever. We could actually do just fine without them."

In 2002, Fultz's team shook the academic world by conclusively proving the existence of both bad ideas during brainstorming and dumb questions during question-and-answer sessions.

Bush Urges Expanded Drilling Of Alaskan Wildlife

from the Onion...

WASHINGTON, DC—Following a recent ruling by a U.S. District Court that blocked the sale of 1.7 million acres of federally protected caribou, President Bush urged Congress Tuesday to pass an appropriations bill that would enable expanded drilling of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge's animals.

Enlarge Image

President Bush says the U.S. must shed its dependence on drilling foreign wildlife.

"There are over 100 billion tons of untapped, domestic wildlife lying beneath, on, and above the surface of Alaska's North Slope region," said Bush during a White House press conference. "We have an obligation not only to our society, but to future generations, to begin drilling these polar bears, grizzlies, harbor porpoises, Roosevelt elks, sea otters, muskrats, and snowshoe hares immediately."

According to Secretary Of The Interior Dirk Kempthorne, who recently toured the Lake Teshekpuk area with a team of bio-mineralogists, one in four animals drilled in early tests have shown positive yield.

"We can achieve our goal without disturbing the delicate balance of the ecosystem," said Kempthorne, looking on as rig operators took exploratory core samples of 20 bearded seals in order to gauge the mammals' interior density. "But if the government opens up the nearly 200 species of birds, fish, and marine and land mammals to public drilling, the U.S. would be capable of churning out over 9.3 billion barrels of wildlife each year—more than three times the amount we currently drill."

Wildlife prospectors in other parts of Alaska applaud Bush's position, saying that, if funding is increased, drillers will be able to tap larger, higher-yield animals such as grizzly bears and musk oxen.

"The technology is there, but there's little economic incentive to drill anything larger than timber wolves," said Cal Fowler, an independent prospector and former wildcat driller. "With more federal money we can invest in necessary hardware, such as more durable annular diamond-impregnated drill bits, which can bore two-inch diameter holes deep through a solid bull-walrus midsection in seconds."

Drill foremen have already begun digging shallow exploratory holes through the surface flesh of over 5 million animals to provide workspace for the drillers and their equipment. Once this step is complete, an electrical generator powered by a large diesel engine will plunge rotating carbide-steel-tipped drill bits through the animal, boring through the skin, bone, or blubber at speeds of up to 6,500 rpm. The drillers will then guide the direction of the borehole using top-drive rotary steerable wellbores, which allow them to drill through targeted areas in the wildlife with incredible precision.

Enlarge Image

Workers near Alaska's Lake Teshekpuk take a core sample from a grizzly bear cub.

Walking through a field of steadily pumping Canada lynx, Fowler defended wildlife drilling as "one of the most environmentally responsible methods of drilling," saying that it is a renewable resource, and the ecologically sensitive wildlife refuge is almost completely unaffected since pre-existing environmental laws ensure that the drilling of individual animals will not damage the environment.

Energy giant ExxonMobil has already begun to widen its wildlife-drilling efforts in response to the Bush Administration's stance.

"We have set up an offshore production platform capable of efficiently extracting over 15,000 Arctic grayling fish from the Beaufort Sea each day, and then drilling them," ExxonMobil Chief Engineer For Wildlife Drilling Operations Frank Salinas said. "And advances in horizontal directional drilling may soon allow us to simultaneously drill through two arctic foxes three miles apart."

"It's an exciting time to be in the wildlife-drilling field," Salinas added.

Bush's call for more wildlife drilling has come under fire by alternate wildlife-use advocates, who call his policy shortsighted.

"The administration should be encouraging research into viable new technologies," said Sylvia Hermann, chairman of Advocates For Cleaner-Burning Fauna. "The energy produced by solar generators could be used to incinerate vast herds of moose, even in the coldest winter months. Wind-produced electricity could electrocute Beluga whales in their own habitats, with no need for offshore drilling, and hydroelectric dams could be used to drown grizzly bears. Perhaps one day geothermic heat could be harnessed to broil entire wildlife-rich regions alive."

Continued Hermann, "It's vital that we preserve the arctic wildlife so that our children, and our children's children, will still have animals to drill when they grow up."

The Bush administration is also proposing the creation of a Strategic Wildlife Preserve, a series of 15-million-cubic-meter above-ground tanks that would store an emergency supply of over 700 million tightly packed animals

If you would put the future of the U.S. in these mens hands...

you are a candidate for psychological examination to determine if you should be institutionalized...

High School Girls' T-Shirts Say WHAT?

"Trust Me...I'm Single"
"Don't Call Me a Cowgirl Until You See Me Ride"
"I Know What Boys Want"
"Yes, But Not With U"
"Your Boyfriend Is a Good Kisser"
"Two Boys for Every Girl"
"Single and Ready to Mingle"
"Flirting My Way to the Top"
"I'm Too Hot to Handle"

 

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Ahhh...imagining that irresistible "new car" smell?
Check out new cars at Yahoo! Autos.

Bush Has One Of Those Days Where He Feels Like 68 Percent Of People Hate Him

jimbo_zone recommends a page from The Onion.

The recommended page is: Bush Has One Of Those Days Where He Feels Like 68 Percent Of People Hate Him

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Hannity the Hipochrite

And now we are waiting for Shamety's righteous indignation at Gnewt Grinchwich for having an affair while publically crucifying Bill Clinton for his indescretions...

The Brainless Bimbo...

it's about time that Shame Hamity gets his toungue out of Anne Clitorous's mouth and admit that it's time to stop digging around the bottom of the barrel for gutter snipe commentary about the world...she has told us how she thought Joe Macarthy was the greatest human being ever born, that she is more intelligent than the world scientific coummunity, the 9/11 widdows are whiners and the mothers of war dead should just get over it. And now, as she sees it, she thinks she is insulting the gay community by slamming John Edwards...click on this site to visit the Brainless Bimbo's site and then link to it by that name...

Duh-bya

Bush recently toured labs at Novozymes to tout his agenda to extol the virtues of ethanol as a source of energy for Americas cars...In one room he held up a beaker of the alternate fuel , sniffed it and quipped "I quit drinking in 1986". Then with a serious tone stated "someday you're going to be able to use this in your car." Outside the building bush was shown a blue and green car that runs on ethanol. He leaned down and fiddled with the wheel a couple of times...

Bungle Book Song

when your down and blue

sometime things will just come to you

but until that time

just follow his lead an sing george bushes favorite tune

Muctada al-Sadr, Muctada al_Sadr

say this and everything will be allright

Muctada al-Sadr, Muctada al-Sadr

bagdad will sleep tonight...

repeat refrain ad nauseum...

It feels so good to be free

When told that the province of Najaf was to be liberated from the American occupational forces some 1500 police, soldiers and security personel staged festivities complete with parades and warriors on horseback...

Whereupon a small group of soldiers proceeded to render a live rabbit into many pieces. the leader bit out the heart screaming and then passed the shredded blood soaked remains to the others, each of whom took their gaping mouthfulls. The jubilant crowd also bit off the heads of frogs while others held their noses.Who says these people aren't ready to embrace Democracy...

Bumble Monkey

America is surely a wonderful place...if a leader of any other country on the face of the planet were as inept and deceitful as this one is he would most certainly have been replaced by now...if not voluntarily because of shame then by some other means...even Nixon had the class to admit when he was wrong and left, before he completely degraded the trust of the people...maybe when the people of this great land have had enough of what this administration is trying to stuff down our throats they will demand change...how many more bodies are going to litter the roads of Bagdad before even the staunchest of conservative will throw up in disgust...

If any believe that Stay the Course is still the best policy, they should get out of their pundit chairs and take up the cause...I could support a war that had the likes of Sean Hannity, Rich Lowery and the rest of the armchair generals standing around waiting for the snipers bullet or the roadside bomb, or even the infamous homicide bomber...the last being the most humorous of the nom de guerre given by the Fux gnus channel...Tim McVey was a homicide bomber because he was such a coward as to leave the bomb in front of the building...those in Iraq splatter their own guts all over the place and that is why they are called Suicide bombers...I'm not defending the creeps but just trying to expose the hypocricy of the rightous right...They want the 10 commandments plastered all over the place but they don't seem to want to read them or follow them...

Bring the troops home now...if Syria or Iran attempt to interferre in the region we can then take care of them in the appropriate way, but right now they are playing this president for the fool...lets get back to what the U.S.A. is best at, assasination. It's obvious that this little commander in chief and his band bumbling staff haven't got a clue about how to accomplish anything else...spending trillions overseas isn't making the homefront any safer as evidenced by the bozo with the plan to grenade the malls...

Until we know what "win" means to a conserviative like Bush and his appoligists we are doomed to endless conflict and loss of American life in the Arab Badlands...If "win" means to stand there until the last man standing uses the last bullet on himself, like Custer at the Little Big horn, then the American dream will become a night mare...

Original artwork Holiday Greeting cards, post cards, Postage Pal and Stamps

We can finally lay a wreath at the foot of the grave of the Bush administrations forein policy...from the day he fired general Shinseki for telling him the truth about what it would take to succeed in Iraqinam to the admission that what we have here is really a civil war, Bush and his elite staff of neo-conspirators have been more like an episode of the three stooges than what they fantasized themselves being like Jack Baur in 24...and the likes of Sean Hannity whose helmet headed right wing drivel show has finally jumped the shark into irrelevence with the passing of the totally corrupt Republican regime...hopefully the new year to come will bring us back to balance...

They come from around the world

to see the Jimbozone...

$39.99 after MIR - SANDISK 2GB SD Memory Card

Would you believe???

New CIA interrogation training video...

Now everybody is afraid of Sheiks on a plane...

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to Hell,
where the Devil is waiting for him.

"I'm not sure what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list, but I
have no room for you. But since you definitely have to stay here, I am
going to have to let someone else go."

"I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let
one of them go, but you'll have to take their place. I'll even let you
decide who leaves." George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.

The Devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large
pool of water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over. Such
was his fate in Hell.

"No!" George shouted. "I don't think so. I am not a good swimmer, and

I don't think I could do that all day long".


The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledge
hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, over
and over, time after time.

"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder, I would be in constant
agony if all I could do was breaks rocks all day", commented George.

The Devil opened the third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying
on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in
aspread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky doing what she
does best. George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and
finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this."

The Devil smiled and said "Ok, Monica, you're free to go!"

The president spent Saturday morning with a small pack of riders in a foggy redwood forest about 90 minutes north of San Francisco.

"I still ride the mountain bike primarily to help settle the soul and to burn off the excess energy one gets when you're living life to its fullest," Bush told an Associated Press reporter who accompanied him on the ride.

"We're able to enjoy the beauty without really disrupting the pristine nature of the place," the mud-splattered president said after the 65-minute ride. "It's a classic way for mankind to enjoy God's gift. Plus, we get some exercise."

A long convoy of SUVs and off-road vehicles rumbled behind the group, carrying medics and security agents with machine guns...

John, the farmer, was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers, hens, called pullets and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.
That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone so John could tell from a distance which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too, but on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!
John went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement Butch had his bell in his beak so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair and Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges. The result ... The judges not only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize," but they also awarded him the "Pulletsurprise" as well. Clearly, Butch was a politician in the making.
Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?

Vice President Dick Cheney personnally extends an invitation to the leaders of the Democratic party to accompany him on his next hunting trip...

JUST GOT TO BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF OR, TELL ME WHO'S KID'N WHO!

Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's cocaine conviction is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illne! ss, and you need our prayers for your recovery.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney General Gonzalez can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Feel free to pass this on. If you don't send it to at least 10 other people, we're likely to be stuck with "Bush" forever.

When asked about the possiblity that Laura would run for publice office bush said "she's not inerested in running for office she's interested in literasy" and that he was pretty certain that when he married her "she didn't like politics or politicians"...

here's you chance to get into the blue....