Walking down the street one day, George Dubya Bush is shot by a disgruntled NRA member.

His soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Welcome to Heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem: We seldom see a Republican around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a believer," says Dubya.

"I'd like to, but I have orders from the Man Himself," says St. Peter. "He says you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you'll l! ive for eternity."

"But, I've already made up my mind; I want to be in Heaven," Dubya answers.

St. Peter shakes his head. "I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to an elevator and Dubya goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a lush golf course; the sun is shining in a cloudless sky, the temperature a perfect 72 degrees.

In the distance is a beautiful clubhouse. Standing in front of the clubhouse are his dad and thousands of other Republicans who had helped him out over the years: Karl Rove, Dick Cheney, Jerry Falwell. The whole of the Right is here, everyone laughing, happy; casually but expensively dressed.

They run to greet him, hug him, and reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at expense of the "suckers and peasants." They play a friendly game of golf, then dine on lobster and caviar.

The Devil himself comes up to Dubya with a frosty drink. "Have a margarita and relax, Dub!" he grins.

"Uh, I can't drink no more, I took a pledge," says Dubya dejectedly.

"Aw, this is Hell, son! You can drink and eat all you want and not worry," says the Devil. "It just gets better from here!"

Dubya takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who is a very friendly guy who tells funny jokes and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like a Yale Skull and Bones brother with real horns. They are having such a great time that, before he realizes it, it's time to go.

Everyone gives him a big hug ! and waves as Dubya steps on the elevator and heads upward. The elevator door reopens on Heaven and St. Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening the gate. So for 24 hours Dubya has to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money, and treat each other respectfully. Not a nasty prank or frat-boy joke among them, no fancy country clubs, and while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor or middle-class, he doesn't see anybody he knows, and he isn't even treated like someone special!

Worst of all, to Dubya, Jesus turns out to be some kind of Jewish hippie with his endless 'peace' and 'do unto others' jive. "Whoa," he says uncomfortably to himself, "Pat Robertson never prepared me for this!"

The day is done and St. Peter returns. "Well, then," he says, "you've s! pent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for eternity."

With the 'Jeopardy' theme playing softly in the background, Dubya reflects for a minute, then answers, "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all -- but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends."

So Saint Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell. The doors of the elevator open, and Dubya finds himself in the middle of barren, scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial waste...kind of like Houston.

He is horrified to see all of his friends dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces! and hands black with grime.

The Devil comes over to Dubya and puts an arm around his shoulder "I don't understand," stammers a shocked Dubya. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a clubhouse and we ate lobster and caviar and drank booze. We screwed around and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!"

The Devil looks at him and smiles slyly. "Yesterday we were campaigning," he purrs.
"Today you voted for us."

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith (Full Frame)

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge Of The Sith (Widescreen)

No one told me there was a recession going on...no one told me that my fiscal policies were squandering the surpluses...no body told me that the terrorists were planning an attack on the U.S....no body told me that my war on terror would create 100 terrorists for every one we killed...no one told me that the war in Iraq was a stupid idea, that they wouldn't see us as the great liberators...fortunately I'm only guilty of gross incompetance and not some sexual escapade that might get me impeached...

Do you believe in intelligent design...
happy anniversary

To recalibrate your mouse, click and hold on the S. Then drag the S toward the e. If it doesn't work, you might want to clean your mouse. Stop farting around and go do something constructive

they didn't want me to forget...
where I came from...so they used turkey in my
"chicken fettuccinni"...(either that or the chicken
tastes like turkey up here)...and the sauce was too
"soupy"...and

yesterday I was "mauled and groped" on
the bus by some strange women...I knew I should have
taken off the Aneheim Mighty Ducks Hockey shirt...and
I should never have yelled "well the Stanley Cup" is
in Florida where it belongs...

The difference between Democrat and Republican administrations...
a Democrat Blow Job


A Republican Blow Job...

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then -- to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's. I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here?" One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..." "I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!" "That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently. She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door. I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot with NPR on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors... They didn't open. The library was closed. To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed...easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I believe the road to recovery is nearly complete for me. Today, I registered to vote as a Republican.


Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

Thank you Jimbozone...

click here to find out how you can
get paid...

Can you hear meow?

June 8
ON THIS DATE

Top court rejects beer prescriptions

In 1924, the San Bemardino Evening
Telegram ran a United Press story in which it
was reported that the SupremeCourt upheld
the act of Congress that expressly forbade the
prescription of beer for medicinal purposes,
stating that, the prohibition of alcohol was in
fact constitutional.
Lawyers for the James Everard's Brew-
eries attempted to determine the authority of
Congress to deny by legislative act the privi-
lege of drinking beer under a physidians's
prescription for its medicinal properties. ?
Lower courts had previously decided
Congress was well within its constitutional
powers when it enforced the ban.
The brewers appealed on the grounds
that the 18th Amendment did not empower
Congress to forbid the use of any sort of li-
quor as medicine. If beer was forbidden under
a doctor's prescription, it was argued, spirti-
eus liquors must also be forbidden under the
same circumstances.
The value of beer as a medicine was not
at issue in the case, only the power of Con-
gress to declare it unlawful to use it for me-
dicinal purposes.
The decision ended a dispute that began
in 1921 when Attorney General A. Mitchell
Palmer rendered an opinion that the 18th
Amendment did not prohibit the manufacture
of liquors under the guise of medicine.
The ruling led to the issuing of permits
for the distillation and distribution of alcohol
using a doctor's prescription..
A month later, Congress passed the
Willis-Campbell Act amending the national
prohibition act to forbid the use of beer for
medical purposes.

cha-ching...

class picture

Happy New Year

Surf's way up

Surf's way up

And on a lighter note?surfer Gary Wolf told Israeli publication Haaretz that he rode the tsunami in Sri Lanka. "Suddenly I saw that the rocks near the shore had simply disappeared," he recounted. "At first, I didn't understand what was happening and I concentrated on surfing. When I finished surfing, I discovered that I was on the highway, about half a mile from the beach where my room was. Fortunately, the waves pulled me and my surfboard into shore instead of out into the ocean."

with the departure of the head of the homeland defense agency we can say that definately Ridge's got ruffeled...

Weapons on plane shock
AIR passengers are still trying to carry potentially deadly items on to planes - including chainsaws and landmines.
The US Transportation Security Administration said it had confiscated 15.6 million banned items, including guns and knives by the end of October.
Yesterday a 79-year-old woman was arrested at a Florida airport for carrying a pistol and seven bullets in her bag.
She claimed she had forgotten they were there.
Billie Vincent, former security chief for the Federal Aviation Administration, blames stupidity and forgetfulness in most cases.
He said: "How do you deal with people who have to know about 9/11 and, even inadvertently, are still trying to get knives on to planes?"
The TSA has seized knives disguised as lipstick, a handgun hidden inside a radio and a loaded gun stuffed into a teddy bear.
Some passengers have even tried to smuggle chainsaws on to planes and one soldier was kicked off a flight after a landmine was found in his luggage.
Another man had packed gunpowder and a fuse for his bizarre hobby of shooting golf balls out of cannons.

Well the time for a decision draws near...do you vote for the man who committed attrocities in Viet Nam or the man who has committed attrocities in Iraq...one man acted on the orders of others and one gave those orders...the both have killed...one in the hundreds the other in the hundreds of thousands...innocent lives hang in the balance so don't take your task lightly for you may be the next to pay the ultimate price, either directly or indirectly...Have fun

We shall prevail over the Evil-doers...

PADD Presidential Attention Deficit Disorder when you continuously misinterpret what your opponent is saying... If you vote for this man in November you too must be retarded...

If you are driving the wrong way down a one way road you shouldn't be afraid to change your mind no matter what they might say about you...to fail to recognize that you are going in the wrong direction is one thing, to be afraid to admit that your wrong and refuse to correct the mistake is criminal... Miserable Failure

It used to be they were called homemakers,
then they started calling them soccer moms,
this year they are going to call them securiy moms,
Next year, if Bush is Re-elected, they will probably have to start calling them
survival moms...

How To Clean Your Toilet - The Fun Way Instructions on how to clean your toilet
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power-wash" and rinse".
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely,The Dog

Conservatives are a curious lot...where was the indignant outrage and calls for enormous fines when Ms Universe flashed her thong on the runway...where are all the calls for results in the investigation into the release of the CIA operative by Robert Novak...All I hear these days are whether the documents on the Presidents no show status in the guard...oh yea and now they want to divert your attention from the real problems with this nonsense about food for oil...they are just mad that they didn't get in on the frenzy...they certainly weren't concerned when they were using it to justify the war in Iraq...

And now W. wants you to believe that if you elect him again we will have complete security and total world peace in four years...just like he promised no nation building last time...

Everything seems to be a surprise to this administraion...
lets analyze this from the beginning...
Bush entered the office of the president haveing received less votes than his opponent, chosen by the Supreme Court
 
immediately he began to reward those who selected him by giving away all the savings that had been built up in the previous 8 years...the average joe got a few hundred dollars reward while the likes of Bill Clinton reaped upwards of $86,000...all the while maintaining that there was no recession until it crept up behind him and bit him on the butt while he wasn't looking...
 
His #2, meanwhile was meeting with his old cronies plotting how they were going to reward California for betraying the old guard...and suddenly there wasn't enough power to go around and prices went into orbit...
 
Then Al kaida struck, while the Pres was asleep at the wheel, and started world war three...
 
who would have thought that if we armed and trained the monsterAl Kaidastien to help them defeat the Russians they would eventually turn this on us...we had to go in and kill the monster. Unfortuantely, instead of ridding the world of terrorist, we killed everybody but the terrorists who managed to escape and wage their war where we couldn't find them...
 
way back when we had this animosity toward the Iranians because they didn't like our choice for their leadership in the person of the Shaw, who liked to round up citizens and torture them. So we built the new monster. Saddamstien was our creation, built to take care of the Iranians...we didn't seem to mind at the time the manner in which he did it...but as most monsters do Saddamstien went rogue and chose not to cooperate with the U.S. anymore, and he became an enemy that needed to be replaced with someone who would be our new best friend...
 
listening for what he wanted to hear, Bush ignored the good intelligence and relied on his own faulty intelligence and attacked Iraq turning it into an incubater and magnet for terrorist...As bad a Saddamstien was he was better able to control the midevel mindset of the middle east....
 
The Conclusion that must be drawn from all this is that Bush, while not necessarily lying to the people, has definately made too many blunders to  excuse him.  We need to get some intelligence back into the White House before anything worse happens...
 
Lets hope this adminstration doesn't decide that it is necessary to elliminate the  V.P. before the election...It would be tragic to have Cheney conveniently have a "heart attack" before the election so that Bush doesn't have him as a liability...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

bush didn't lie he just suffered from a lack of intelligence...

Who the hell is Moop...

Don’t let this administration dump this mess on the Democrats…make bush stick around and clean up this mess rather than sending him on his happy FOX news pundit pool circus of political bloviators. Thank gawd they have sanitized my information so as not to sway my opion…too gruesome for even one as myself would be unable to comprehend….

The soldier said “they make us all look bad” not that shooting and killing them doesn’t make them feel angry…as well.

Gov. Schwarzenegger admitted this week that he really is a blood sucking parasite..."I'm like, you know, a tick that hangs on it and will not let go until I get what I want" he told reporters outside Sen. Ted Stevens office...